I don’t think she looked up once while we waited for the car. The noise of cars and emergency vehicles pulling in and out of a busy hospital. Nothing else existed. Her eyes locked in on this tiny being she held. She waited a long time for this moment. She stood as her husband loaded the car and through the lens, I saw the weight of this very moment hit her. They had a son. They were taking him home.
I felt it only appropriate to let this new mother share her words. This is their story. Not my own. I was simply fortunate enough to document one day of a long journey.
There are no words to adequately describe the emotions of these moments… the indescribable joy, the overwhelming excitement, the nervousness of first time parents and the sheer relief that follow months and years of waiting. These pictures capture the moments when God’s promises became reality and our dreams literally did come true.
For years we held on to a promise- a promise that God would bless us with a child. We didn’t know how that promise would come to fruition, but through years of waiting and praying for a child of our own, we had an inner peace that God had a special child in store for us- not just any child, but one specifically destined for our home. From the moment we called the adoption agency and turned in our application, we knew we were on the right path. Nothing ever felt so right.
Nonetheless, the road to adoption is long and the waiting is hard. Even after he was born, the 48 hours prior to bringing our son home were an emotional roller coaster. We were honored to be there for the delivery of our son- to be with him from the very moment he entered the world. As soon as we laid eyes on him, we were head over heels in love with our 6 pound, 9 ounce nugget. We were in awe at this beautiful creation. He was perfect. Our little bundle of joy and answer to our prayers. For hours I had a goofy smile plastered on my face. I couldn’t stop smiling. There he was… finally… God’s promise answered… our son. No words can describe the joy we felt in our hearts. Yet over the next 48 hours, we were also constantly reminded of the fact that OUR son, legally belonged to someone else until the adoption papers were signed 48 hours after his birth. We were “visitors” in the hospital. We could not make any medical decisions for our son. Everything had to go through the birth mother. Over the course of the first day we alternated between spending time in the nursery with our son and taking him down to her room, upon her request to spend time with him and to see us interacting with him. We were tremendously blessed with a birth mother who was firm in her decision to bless us with this precious gift of life- to allow her son opportunities and a life she knew she wouldn’t be able to give him. We will forever hold her in our hearts and feel overwhelming gratitude towards her for making the self-sacrificing decision to allow us the honor of being parents to her son. Nevertheless, each time we took him down to her, my heart ached. I wanted to focus on bonding with our son. In my heart, I tried to be strong in my faith, but there remained that nagging fear in the back of my mind- What if she changes her mind? What if she holds him and decides to keep him? Through it all, I did my best to keep my eyes on God and to hold onto his promise. From the moment we got the call that we had a match, I knew this child was God’s answer to our prayers. I was reminded again of what God spoke to us throughout our years of waiting- He was fighting our battles for us. He had a plan for us. He had a specific child for us. He was working and orchestrating a plan that was more beautiful than we could imagine. He had things under control. We just had to trust Him to work everything out. By keeping my eyes on him, I found peace in the midst of it all.
As the nurses wheeled us out of the hospital after the adoption papers were signed on Monday morning, May 18, we were truly living out a dream. We were experiencing the fulfillment of God’s promise that we had held in our hearts for so long. We were so relieved and overjoyed that the little man we held in our arms was finally, truly ours. There was such an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment that filled our hearts as we entered our home with our son for the first time. Nothing ever felt so right. For years we had dreamed of these moments- putting together a nursery, feeding our baby for the first time, changing his diapers, kissing his chubby cheeks, feeling his little hands on our own, holding his little body in our arms, counting his tiny toes, hearing his sweet cries and staring at his sweet little face. Throughout our time with him in the nursery at the hospital, we longed to be able to sit in the privacy of our own home, cuddled up with him on the couch. Finally, all of these dreams, all of the longings of our heart were reality.
Now, I savor every moment… every detail of motherhood. I savor the way my hands smell like newborn baby, even when I’m not holding him. I love the sight of burp clothes and blankets scattered around the house, the piles of baby laundry that accumulates much quicker than I ever imagined. His sweet little baby sounds make my heart flutter and even his 2 a.m. cry serves as a beautiful reminder that finally, I am a mom.
Rest assured, God’s promises are “yes and amen.” The journey he is taking you on may have more twists and turns than you ever thought possible, but follow him. Trust Him even when you don’t know what His plan is or where He is taking you. Wait in wonder and amazement about what He has in store. The road may be hard, but his way is more beautiful than you could ever imagine.